Sometimes, an article arrives in your head fully formed, like a gift from the creative gods. Other times there is a game or title that gets a lot of attention, and an editor with a clever title in mind, and those articles are also good too, just in their own special way. SMASH HITS is one such article, where we imagine which pop stars would make good Smash Bros characters.
Smash Bros Ultimate is a game with a massive roster, and endless ways to expand it depending on what is in fashion at the time, or sometimes what Nintendo want to promote elsewhere. With that in mind, and without further ado, let’s jump in and have a look at five pop stars (or four and a gamer) that could be added to the Smash Bros roster to varying degrees of success.
Let’s get the dad joke out of the way early, shall we? Bruno Mars is tiny, which means a smaller hitbox, and crucially we already know he has the pocket ability Isabelle enjoys after he admitted he would ‘catch a grenade’ for a lover. His ability to create catchy pop hooks could probably be worked into the game somehow, and he’d have to have a copy ability as a nod to his musical ‘creativity’…
In a game as upbeat and colourful as Ultimate is, Eilish would provide a contrast we are lacking since the news Waluigi would not be a part of the action. As a self-confessed bad girl she could help Mario get over his obsession with Peach in no time, and would provide Leffen with the perfect emo main to play. Her taunts could even range from ‘the venue was too cold’ to ‘I hate this game and only play it for money’…
Blue hair, the Mixer money, the Fortnite dances…ah, Ninja is the guy every girl wants, and the guy every guy wishes he could be. That’s before you get to his twerking ability, which could be included as an idle animation, and the chance for Nintendo to suckle at the Epic teat too and grab some more cash. Plus, you can replace him with Tfue in six months and nobody will even notice.
Like Justin Bieber, Micheal Jackson and that kid who was in Star Wars, Cyrus grew up in the public eye and appeared the worse for wear for it. However, all that suffering and abuse she endured at the hands of the media will be worth it in Smash, where she would be the tankiest character in the game. Plus Nintendo could Pit/Dark Pit her with Hannah Montana, keeping up their record of only referencing things that are lost to popular culture.
For those who don’t remember, Tay Zonday is the dude who came up with the original masterpiece that is ‘Chocolate Rain’, who blew up on YouTube over a decade ago. If you think that makes him a weird and somewhat illogical choice for a ‘pop star’ in a Nintendo game, you haven’t been paying attention to the recent DLC releases, which include a dude named Terry and Banjo, who hasn’t had a release since 2008.
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