Career mode: Imagining CS:GO stars in alternative jobs

The stars of CS:GO are household names to you and I, but it is funny to think there is a universe where CS didn’t go anywhere, and the opportunity to become a world champion never presented itself to the men some of us call heroes today.

For every game like CS there is a Team Fortress that died or made no money, and it definitely pays to be great at the right game, as the Fortnite pros will tell you.

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To be honest, with the way esports works there is no guarantee for any player, so it wouldn’t even have needed CS to fail, as a chance meeting can be the difference between becoming the world’s most famous player and just another dude playing deathmatch to relieve the stress of work.

But what would our heroes have done for their 9-5 if not click on faces and rule dust_2? For a moment, let’s just imagine...



At 24 years old, Nicolai is already the richest man under 30 in Europe, and is showing no signs of stopping. A slow start to his career as a banker saw him miss out on a couple of great deals due to hesitation, but since an epiphany in Atlanta, he’s been closing deals like Alec Baldwin on amphetamines.


O Padrinho, as he’s known, is the most influential and … connected man in his home town. Any citizen who is in need can come to him, and he will extend a benevolent hand if they are in his good books, but cross him and you’ll never be seen again.


By day, our Malik seems like a normal guy, maybe a bit tired all the time, but by night he morphs into… Goldenguy, a superhero who stalks the streets of Stockholm and saves people from themselves, no matter how badly they try and ruin their own lives by repeatedly rejecting his help. Technically immortal, his motto is ‘everybody gets at least two chances’.


An investment banker who knows exactly when to sell and when to buy. Never caught out by market movements and successfully lands on his feet. Has a mixed reputation among former colleagues as a result.



A slick spy who was sent to Germany to uncover military secrets but forgot to learn German before leaving. Fell in love with a Turkish girl and eventually defected once the war was over.


HR troubleshooter. Will come into your firm and immediately make people get along again by assessing the personalities involved and singling out the issue, longer-term results are not guaranteed. Works internationally due to his excellent English.


Manager of factory, probably owned by a relative. Constantly screams and shouts while not fully understanding how things work while, in reality, the employees keep the doors open.



Lead singer in Canada’s first K-pop band and pop icon. Known for his hair and his brooding temperament, but mainly his hair, young Russel Van D is the guy every Canadian girl wants to take to Tim Hortons and curl up in front of the hockey with.


Part-time actor/stuntman, Ethan has doubled for Tom Cruise on one occasion after the actor injured himself jumping to look in a bathroom mirror, but spends more time playing roles in off-Broadway versions of Grease and Saturday Night Fever.



As the youngest man to win France’s ‘baker of the year’ competition, young Mathieu is the pride of his nation. Even with his tender years taken into account he is considered one of the most accomplished chefs in the world, and can turn his hand to any style of cooking. Refuses all TV appearances.